A Wandering Hipsy

It’s been over a year since I’ve posted here. What a journey I’ve been on. I almost closed this account, but changed my mind… for once, this one will stay. I’ve had so many blogs in my lifetime, and recently, I have had the honor (or horror lol) of finding some of my old writings on my Tumblr, which reminded me of the depths that I have fallen and the mountains I’ve climbed to get where I am today. It was interesting to be reminded of a life that I had moved on from and completely rebuilt from scratch.

Yet, here I am this year, starting all over again as the career I had had for the last 10 years ended at the end of 2024, and everything has changed. My world turned upside down, and I fell down a rabbit hole. As I fell down this rabbit hole, I’ve had to let go of the things that no longer served me, and I have had to ask myself some of the most challenging questions. One of the main questions that has continued to come up in my life, no matter what stage I’m in, is, ‘What am I willing to sacrifice to have the life that I want? What am I willing to give up to have a life where I will wake up and love what I do every day? What would it take to have a life that I am truly happy with, and making a difference in the world?’

This new career change, this new path, what would I find at the end of it all? I’m not even sure because I’m not even through.

Let me catch you up.

The company that I had worked for the last 10 years got bought out, and it was time for me to move on. Let’s be real, it was already time for me to move on a long time ago, but some things are more challenging to leave than others, but at last I was given a way out of a life I was so ready to leave behind. The ending was finally here. My environment was about to undergo drastic changes in many ways.

I spent the last 6-9 months working at that company, feeling like I was in a constant state of moving. I shut down the offices in different cities, and with each door that I closed, it felt like the doors of a life I was begging for closure from were closing, and I could finally move on. It was hard to say goodbye to what I had known for the last 10 years but it was no longer serving me, and over time, it had slowly taken away the pieces of me that I had worked so hard to find. It had turned me into something that I didn’t want to be. Someone I didn’t recognize anymore. It was time to finally walk away from something that I knew, in my heart, I had outgrown.

When it finally ended, the timing for everything aligned perfectly, allowing me to attend another 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreat. It was exactly what I needed to step away from everything and reflect on the last 10 years of my life. It was the perfect way to close that chapter of my life, in solitude and silence. Everything aligned so perfectly, and that chapter of my life ended for my highest good. I knew I was on the right track and it was all going to work out. I just needed to follow the signs and trust my intuition as I stepped into the unknown.

I went into my solitude for 10 days and I listened to my heart and my head; it was the most transformative experience I’ve ever had. I saw the journey so far and the life I was leaving behind, and I consciously started to envision the version of my future that I was going to step into. With a renewed vision to create a life that I love to live and to level up in abundance, success, and love, and inspire everyone to do the same. I was ready.

But how was I going to do this? I didn’t know the answer yet. But I knew that everything would work itself out.

When I returned from the retreat, I allowed myself the time and space to acclimate to the world and be fully present in my life. How many times in my life would I get the chance just to BE? To just be present in life. To take the moment and not have to worry about money, a job, the people, the places, and the paces that I had to keep at. How many times have I experienced this in life? Never?! Not until this point, and I was going to relish in it and enjoy every second.

After being without my phone for almost 2 weeks, I began to question if it was something that I needed to take a step back from. When I left for the retreat, I had every intention of returning to the social world and posting all that I had learned about myself and my life on social media. However, after one day of being back and not posting turned into two and then three, I began to really ask myself, “What do I truly want out of my social media? Was I willing to sacrifice what I want now for what I was most?”

I asked myself that same question when I moved to Houston from Chicago. What was I willing to sacrifice to get what I really wanted? I was willing to risk it all and get freaking uncomfortable to have a life that I really wanted. This time, the stakes were higher, but it was time to focus entirely on myself and create my life with focus and intention. I knew that I wanted a life that I love to live every day, one that brings me joy and bliss. One that I’m excited to live, love, and have. I just needed to get serious about figuring out what that would be.

It was time to focus on myself and to take a break from social media. To disappear from the world, from the likes and the comments, from the mindless scrolling and endless stories. It was time for me to continue to go inward and focus on myself. To focus on me and the things that I wanted to become. Who could I become if I finally shut out the noise and allowed myself the year to be fully present?

I finally made the decision sometime in December, while relaxing with my daughter at a Korean hair spa and having the most profound thoughts about who I can become if I finally learn to let go and become fully present in my life. I find that I can have the most clarity and incredible life epiphanies when I’m relaxed and fully present. 10/10 recommend giving it a try.

In January 2025, I moved Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Threads, and TikTok into a hidden folder on my iPhone, and I stopped posting my life on these platforms. With the promise to myself that in one year I would be back, I said goodbye for now to social media.

There were no official goodbyes, no announcements made to the world that I was off to rediscover myself. I actually went to write a goodbye post on Instagram, but when I checked my last post, I noticed that the Instagram post I had posted before leaving for meditation was unintentionally a goodbye post. With a vague caption of ‘I’ll see you on the other side’ and the final picture in the carousel, a page from “The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue”, telling the story that I needed.

One year.

How different life could look in a year, how life could change in 365 days. What did this new future hold, and how could I intentionally make it something that I could be genuinely proud of? A life that I could truly love.

At the beginning of the year, I also started my new career in sales and began to attend numerous networking events, building my network and navigating an entirely new industry. Should I have really jumped right back into working? In retrospect, probably not, but I needed to do something, and the opportunity was right in front of me.

This year, and my new career, have been teaching me to let go of the things I thought I needed and an identity I no longer want. The 10-day meditation retreat was exactly what I had been asking the universe for, and through it, I also met someone who changed my life.

For two years, Dr Joe Dispenza’s seminar had been on my vision board. I’d always wanted to go after reading his work, but the money and the time never really aligned. After the 10-day silent retreat, this person and I were talking about the Dr Joe event that she had attended. Her enthusiasm and the way she spoke about how the retreat had changed her life left an impression on me, and I made a mental note to check the available dates for 2025.

It turned out that three days after my birthday, a Dr. Joe Dispenza retreat would be happening in Mexico, and I was determined to attend. Everything was pointing in the direction of it happening. As soon as the event went live, I bought a ticket and booked my hotel room. There was nothing that was going to stop me from making this vision into a reality.

Clearly defining how I want to live my life every day has been my primary focus this year, and learning the skills and acquiring the tools to achieve that has been my top priority. I’ve also been trying my best to allow myself the time to heal from all the things that I desperately needed healing from. Every morning, I start with a focus on myself. Not rushing anywhere, just me, meditation, journalling, and reading. I need it. I need to rediscover who I am and to reconnect with myself and my values, and to remind myself that life isn’t about the destination but the journey I am living along the way.

Dr. Joe’s meditation retreat is a topic worthy of its own blog post, so stay tuned. But let’s say that reconnecting to source was the most magical, life-changing experience I’ve ever had. My friend was not wrong about how it would change my life and my perspective.

When I returned home from the retreat, my life and work felt misaligned, and I knew that if I didn’t figure it out, I would be swept up and carried away (again) to fulfilling someone else’s dreams. I wouldn’t let it happen. This time, I am conscious. This time, I am fully awake and aware.

This year has been a full-on adventure, with us moving homes again, my daughter graduating and leaving for college, and me stepping into a very soft, feminine life that I am completely unaccustomed to. It’s been character-building, life-changing, and challenging at times, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time, and I’m finally listening to my heart, following my dreams, and letting the beautiful unknown lead me to exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I’ve started my own networking groups and crossed paths with individuals that my past self could have never imagined. I have fully stepped into the unknown and embraced the feeling of being uncomfortable, knowing that it’s what’s causing me to bloom into the person that I see when I close my eyes and meditate. As I mentioned earlier, I am not yet through with all of this. I don’t know where the destination lies, but I’m on the journey and I’m loving every second.

I have so much more to tell ya’ll about, but this post is long enough already, so I’ll end this here with the promise to come back next week with a new adventure.

Until next time…

A.A.