Dry April

Okay, so I’ve been fucking off for the last 30 minutes telling myself that I’m just going to start writing this blog post since sitting down to blog has been something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I always seemed to make an excuse for it. Now that I have gotten this beautiful Macbook, I have no choice but to use my pricey little toy and do all the projects I’ve stored neatly in a box labeled “for when I have a laptop.” 😆

Time isn’t an excuse for me. I believe that we have time for anything that we want to have time for, and I definitely have time for writing if I want to be a published author. 

I’ve run out of excuses. Officially. 🙃

Life has been all over the place. I tell myself I am too blessed to be stressed, but the year has felt like a very character-building year. 

The company I’ve worked for for the last 10 years has been undergoing significant changes and layoffs. It’s a very uncertain time in life right now at work, and I’m working harder than I’ve had to in a while. It’s all the best kind of work, though. It’s the stuff I’m good at and stimulates my mind. The kind that involves planning, thinking, and authentic leadership. 

These last couple of months have been months of learning to let go of things that no longer served me, reevaluating where I’m going in life, recommitting to myself and my habits, and practicing every day to trust that the universe has my back and that everything will turn out alright. 

February and March passed in a daze, and I was disassociating more than I ever had; the stress levels at work were high, and I felt like I really needed to gain some control over myself and my life. If I have to find a new job or figure out what I am doing for money, I’ll need a clear head and a minute to feel all the feelings I was allowing myself to disassociate from. 

I struggled to wake up early to be productive. I felt myself again drifting through my days and evenings without actual purpose. I felt like I was on the edge, and if I didn’t figure out how to get myself on a different path, I would end up spiraling. 

And that is not my standard. 🙅🏻‍♀️

It was time to take action and focus on what I can control when everything else around me is uncertain and going up in flames. After much thought on what would quickly and effectively impact changing where I was. I decided that giving up alcohol and Instagram for April would allow me some time to refocus and reestablish the habits that I had lost and let slip away for the last year and a half. 

Not drinking when the stress levels are high at work allowed me to feel feelings that I would otherwise disassociate from with the help of some booze. This was precisely what I needed to get some clarity on work and how it was affecting me. On the days I wanted to drink, when I got home, I went to the gym, worked out harder than ever, and started drinking tea in the evening again. 

Since I stopped drinking, I’ve started waking up at 5 a.m. to meditate, journal my gratitude and affirmations, and read. It seems easier to get out of bed in the morning. It could all be in my head, but not drinking has improved my sleep. 

While I did not delete my Instagram, I did make it private to remove the desire to post on my story. I only allowed myself to look at the messages people sent me and only posted for our 17th friendship anniversary (I couldn’t miss the memory :P). I stay off the app most of the day and only check it briefly in the evening. 

While taking this Instagram break, I promised myself that I would focus on my TikTok and try to post videos and do the things that make me uncomfortable. Posting on TikTok makes me feel super awkward, but I want to be able to push myself and be on all platforms. I did start the month with great intentions of posting 3 times a day, but I have yet to be able to keep up with all the new projects I’ve taken on at work. If possible, I still post once a day, but sometimes I miss a day or multiple. I’ll give myself an ‘E’ for effort on this one. LOL. 

I read somewhere that it’s the small habits you do daily that make your whole life. This month has been just that, focusing on those small habits that I can do every day that help me feel more in control of my life and allow me to show up my best self at work and at home. 

These last couple of months, I’ve learned many new skills and pushed myself to limits I didn’t think I could reach. I’ve been practicing manifesting and envisioning the life that I will be living in my mediation sessions and throughout the day. I am really leaning into my present moment and appreciating where I am as it’s leading me to where I will be next. 

While this new journey that life is taking me on is so unknown, it excites me for what is to come. I’m ready to take the leap and create a life that serves my highest purpose. Every obstacle that comes my way is just another opportunity to build my character for my future, and I am filled with gratitude for every adventure that comes in the process. 

I know I say this every time I post here, but I will be posting here more. Since a life worth living is a life worth recording, I will start being more faithful in recording what happens in my life. 

Until next time…

A.A.