Life lately…Life changing…

Everything you want begins at the end of your comfort zone.

A.A.

I’ve been saying I’ll write this blog post for two days. I spent more time procrastinating about writing it than actually doing it. But here I am. It’s time for some life updates.

I’ve got my music playing in my almost set-up office, and slowly but surely, I’m creating these spaces where I can get away, unplug from the world, and do what I love the most: write down everything in my head. Perhaps one day, I will get to where I am writing fiction.

Life has been a whirlwind of feeling lost at work, handling challenges in my everyday life, and reminding myself that where I am is where I am supposed to be and that if I just learn to be okay with everything, everything will be okay.

However, I’m constantly questioning if the sum of everything I do will one day make me the person I envision. I’m taking the steps to do the work, not just waiting and wishing for something I know will not happen if I do not take the necessary measures to get there.

But where is there? What does that even look like now?

Sometimes, life feels like it’s going too fast. I don’t have a second to catch my breath, and other times, I wish I could fast-forward to the part where I feel satisfied with where I am, with who I am, and with where I am going.

Is that just a dream? A facade that I am forever hoping to reach but never will? Is it just something inside me that kept me going and was never intended for me to get….ever?

Anyway, deep thoughts I ponder over that I will continue with another day.

So what is new?

Recently, I’ve been struggling. I struggled mostly in my head, feeling frustrated with where I had not gone yet and wondering if I was getting there fast enough. I felt so left behind that I was just not keeping up with my peers.

Was I investing enough? Saving enough? Planning for the future enough? I have all these people in my life who depend on me, trusting me to get us to the next level, to put food on the table, and much more.

It was starting to feel like a lot. I have big goals and dreams that I won’t apologize for or lower my standards to meet anyone else’s expectations. I know what I want. I know what I am capable of and what I am willing to sacrifice to have what I want.

I’m constantly struggling between taking on too much because I need to get “there” faster, feeling like I’m not doing enough, and then feeling overwhelmed, like I can’t keep up with everything I have done.

A girl has standards…very high standards.

Anyway, I was going to give you the coded version of how I got to where I will be going this week, but in the spirit of being authentic on this social media platform, I will stop rambling and get to the point of the blog post.

My destination this week/weekend….T-minus 48 hours to a life-changing event.

To explain where I am going and its importance, I must explain what I struggled with and how I got here. The rambling and me being all over the place will start to make sense. 

I promise. 

Now, back to the struggle….

I have a mini-adult child who drives and needs a car. One of my goals has always been to provide a car for my mini-adult during the first years of their life.

My mini-adult just started driving and still needs their license. We share a car right now, and in the last couple of months, my mini-adult has commented about how they want the car to be theirs or they may need to look into arrangements to get their own.

Yes, I know what you are about to read; depending on who you are and your beliefs about getting a car for your children, it might seem ridiculous, but it’s how I felt.

Comments like these made me feel like I was failing as a mom- the mom I set out to be. I wanted to be the one who got them their first car, not the mom who drives the exact car I said I got for my mini-adult. All of these feelings I was feeling started to pile up.

I was not the person I needed to be. The person who could quickly get another car as a mom providing for her two kids should be in my book of standards. It was getting me down and making me feel like a complete failure. It didn’t help that someone important in my life reality-checked the car I envisioned. It made my dreams seem even more unrealistic and made me feel even smaller and incapable of achieving the life I wanted for myself and my mini-humans.

That evening, as I spiraled in the shower, thinking about all the ways that I was not good enough, the conscious part of me tapped into the inner me, asking for a sign, anything, to remind me that I was where I needed to be because it would lead me to where I wanted to be. I just needed to trust the process.

When I got out of the shower, I had a random text from my mentor. It was a screenshot of a Tony Robbins event with a simple text message.

“Here you go”.

And just like that, I knew I was given a second chance to revisit a sliding door and make a different choice.

Over three years ago, another mentor asked me if I wanted to go with them to a Tony Robbins event in the same city where it was happening again. I had just started my self-development journey, and spending over $1000 on a ticket to see some random person seemed outrageous.

I declined and seriously regretted my decision a couple of months later.

After a few months and many YouTube videos of listening to Tony Robbins’s “Now I Am the Voice,” I bought a ticket to a Tony Robbins event in San Jose right before COVID-19 started. It felt like the craziest thing I had ever done- spending over $1000 on a ticket, just a ticket. I still had to buy my flight and hotel.

Then COVID happened, and everything got canceled. Instead, I got a ticket for his first virtual event and a promise to be able to use the live ticket whenever COVID was over.

The virtual event was life-changing, and I spent even more money getting a life coach from TR and another ticket to a live event. The coaching was so worth it and definitely got me to another level in life.

When the world opened back up, and he announced his event in Florida, I transferred our tickets and convinced my boyfriend to attend with me. We would get to experience Tony Robbins together.

It was amazing. Check out my blog post here.

It was life-changing in its own way, but I never got to experience it alone. When I went with my boyfriend, we spent the time doing our own activities together and getting to know each other. It was an excellent experience for us together.

It was different than going to it alone.

My very first mentor said that when you go alone, you make friends for a lifetime and that it’s a genuinely life-changing experience.

I want that.

And unexpectedly, when I needed it the most.

The universe guides my way home and manifests my desires.

I bought a VIP ticket to the Tony Robbins event that I should have attended three years ago, and I am so excited to see what is in store and to fully immerse myself in this experience.

Everything fell into place with this event.

It is a different city, and though I could get my own place, I wanted to share a room with someone, preferably another woman.

There’s a Facebook group that you can join, and people post things. Last week, the perfect group of women was created, and I am now sharing a room with 6 other women from all over the place.

The Airbnb is a 6-minute walk from the event, and I can park my car without issues.

Everything has been working out as I let go and let everything flow. Trusting the universe is one of the hardest yet the easiest things to do.

It is the hardest to let go of everything I think I should be doing and just trust in the divine timing of everything, knowing that letting go allows the flow of life to happen; I don’t have to get in the way.

My problems are still there; I am not at the next level, and my mini-human doesn’t have its own car…YET.

But I’m taking action, trusting in the divine timing that is the universe, and considering her track record…I believe I’ll be okay.

Stay tuned; I’ll be writing about the whole experience. 

Until next time…

A.A.