In the moment…

Last night as I was getting into bed and snuggling in next to my forever, a thought popped into my head, “What if you were never to go anywhere else in life? Would you be okay with it?”

I like to think of myself as someone who sets big goals and goes after big things, and one of my struggles has always been that I feel frustrated that I’m not “there yet”. That I haven’t quite achieved my goals yet, and so every moment of free time I get I am constantly thinking, what now? What should I be doing now?

Over the last year and half I’ve become more and more aware of how “not present” I am in every moment that I’m in. My life coach and I go over how present I am every week and every week I like to think that I get a little bit better at being more present; at not letting the feelings of frustration that I’m not “there yet” get to me and make me feel discouraged and depressed.

It’s hard to find the balance between going after your goals and living in the moment and truly enjoying where you are and those that are around you. Some days I feel like the hours just fly by and when I think back I wonder to myself, “Where was my mind? Was I ever really present?”

I want things, I want the fancy things and to live the good good life…but in exchange for what? Losing the moments I have right now with the people I love?

Last night something clicked, if I were to never go anywhere else would I truly be okay with it? Would I truly be okay with this house, my boo, my career, my family, my life….exactly where I am?

Absolutely.

I may not have all the things that I want or be exactly where I want to be by my new standards….but if I truly exam my life in it’s raw form…I have everything I could ever want or need.

I may not have it all and I will always strive to have more, but today I’m here for the moment, today I’m learning to live in the present, today I’m learning to let go of the haunting of past and future and learning to truly embrace the NOW.

Life is a journey, and I understood it on a intellectual level but that night I understood it deep within my soul.

I finally understand that I love where I’ll be later …just as much as I love where I am right now.

A.A.