Dear Diary

As I write this I am in a hotel room in Dallas, Texas for work; feeling a little bit in awe that this is my life. As I reflect on where I’ve come from and how I have gotten to where I am today….

A little girl born in a big city, tucked deep away in a cult completely oblivious of an entire world outside the walls she called home.

The teen tormented with questions of a life that she wondered could be hers. Questioning her beliefs, wondering what was the purpose behind all the “truths” being told.

A teenager turned mother with nothing but the hope of a hopeless relationship, torn between reality and love and the desire for the fairytale that could never be.

The girl turned woman, caught in a life never asked for with every last bit of hope drained from her soul. Her nights were her escape and as she closed her eyes and imagined a life where she was free, she wished the sky would fall on her head for when the sun rose the nightmare she called life would restart.

The woman who flew a 1000 miles with the glimmer of hope that life could be different, only to realize it was the same version of the same story, just on a different continent.

Crushed, broken, and hurt she continued to dream of a life she could have. And as the dreams grew stronger and more vivid, she spent her waking hours not working, with her eyes closed imaging something better. This nightmare was not how her story would end.

This is how her story would begin…

She drove across state, running from the nightmare to the dreams she knew she could achieve. She would not remain caged and her spirit would never be broken. With kids in tow she found her strength, her reason to restart her life and build something she was proud of and belonged to her.

Everything she wanted she could have, she had already seen the darkest, and she made it to the other side.

As I look back I see that my life has been far from normal and the places I’ve been and the people I have met will forever shape my life. My life and my choices were something I earned and I treasure that.

Life was happening to me, until I realized I had the power to change that. I learned that my past didn’t equal my future unless I lived there…unless I let it.

Today I have a high level position in a company I am helping to build, a house that I own, children that I love, and a lover who loves me like no other.

Everything I wanted I could truly have…and I did get.

So what now?

That I’m not sure, but I’m dreaming big dreams, finding my reasons and believing with all my heart that everything I want I can have….

…because I can.

A.A.