Hipsy on a Mission…

It’s been awhile since I’ve published something here, and not because I haven’t written anything, but because nothing has been “worthy enough” to post here. I would blame it on the writers block I’ve been struggling with for the past year or so but I’ve been doing some soul searching and perhaps it goes much deeper.

While having dinner with a friend one night, I mentioned that I didn’t have time to write. They said to me, if you loved writing you would find the time. Ah, they were so right. Those words rang through my soul.

I do love writing, but when I write I am vulnerable and so I have allowed myself to become terrified of what I love, rather then excited for the words I will write.

I went to a poetry read one date night and as we stood there and listened to each person read their poem. I noticed how each person as they read their poem told more then just a story…it was like they were opening a window to their soul. It was as if for the 10 minutes they were on stage they allowed you in and showed you what was inside. So raw. So vulnerable. So deep.

It got me thinking about how I hold back on publishing things that I write. To me writing feels like baring my soul, a part of mind that shows a piece of who I am. The words are a part of me and letting others read them, knowing they will pass some sort of judgement, leaves the soul open and vulnerable.

Vulnerability is a scary thing. Putting yourself out there is a scary thing.

While on a work trip to Dallas (I always seem to have the most profound “ah ha moments” in Dallas), I turned on Brene Brown’s Netflix show “Braving Courage”. As I listened to her talk about the poem “Man in the Arena” by Theodore Roosevelt and what it meant to her, something clicked. For so long I had let the opinions of those that I love, the opinions of those that I trusted go beyond the walls that I had built to protect myself and touch a part of my soul that should belong only to me. I let it change, mold and shape the opinion I had of myself. I let others who were not in the arena get inside my head and make me question if I could succeed in the arena and I let it hold me back.

I believe change starts with an awareness to what is going on in your life and that night in Dallas I became aware how much I allowed the opinions of others to hold me back from everything I wanted to become.

I am always unlearning and relearning that to get where I want to go in life, I have to realize that it’s not my critics who count, it’s the fact that my head is bloody but unbowed. It’s the fact that I will keep trying despite the criticism and the voices in my head that someone won’t like my work or will judge me. It’s the fact that I am no quitter. I have determination and a commitment to work harder on myself than ever before and to overcome the fears that I had allowed to hold me back.

The last two years have felt like the longest tunnel for me and at times I wondered if there was ever a way out of the fog that I was in. But as I continue to take the first steps to learn how to coach others along their journey, I’m beginning to see that this next part of my journey is how I discover my true potential.

As I look at the road ahead of me, this goal I have to become a life coach; I wonder if I have enough courage to step out and go down the path that leads me on an extraordinary adventure. I’ve wondered if I had what it takes to guide not only myself on this journey but others too.

However, as I reflect on my own journey and see the road that I’ve traveled on, I’ve started to notice the people I’ve picked up along the way. The people who have watched my journey, the people who have asked me for advice, the people who picked up better habits or had more hope in life because they saw my example and I have a little more faith in myself that perhaps without even realizing it, I have already started to leave my legacy and make a mark in the lives of the people who know me.

I’m not sure where this road I’ve started on leads or what challenges I will face but I know that if I have made it this far unconsciously, I will make it even farther with the level of consciousness and self awareness I now have.

They say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and I’ve found that the single step is usually the hardest but it’s the one you are most proud of it. Because if you didn’t take that step, everything you dreamed would be just that…a dream.

So stay tuned because this hipsy has just started her journey to discovering a truly extraordinary life and it’s about to be quite the ADVENTURE!

A.A.