What’s in a Name?

If you’re like me and you were born with a name that you absolutely detested…know that I feel you!

In my younger years, I was never called by my “real” name due it already being claimed by someone else in my living space that was there before me. So, in an effort to not get us confused, I got the “cute” nickname, and ugh. It was THE WORST.

Words that rhymed with my nickname made me dislike it even more. As I got older, my hatred towards my name grew with me.

When I was 15, I got my big break. We moved to a country where nobody knew me, and I could pick my own nickname. So I did just that.

I lived in this new country for 3-4 years, and anyone who came from my past that dared call me by my previous childhood nickname was ignored or dead to me. I had chosen my identity and refused to never go by that name again. EVER.

Throughout my life I have gone through several different names, so what you know me by depends on what period of my life you met me. Never having to use my legal name made it easier for people to never truly “know” my real name.

As I reached adulthood and got a taste of the real world where I started my current career, one of my job duties is to sign with my legal name everyday. I had thought I had run from it, but the sound of my name in my head as I read the documents chased me down.

Even though I had managed to get my nickname on my email address and title at work, my legal name still managed to follow me around.

Had I known that I could have changed my legal name FOR FREE when I got my citizenship, I would have. However in my interview, he only asked me about my last name. And although I would love to change that as well, I will always want the same last name as my children, so I’m stuck with my ex’s last name. I just say that I won his name in the divorce. 🙂 Anyway, like all things, you don’t know until you know. I didn’t know I had the option to also change my first name.

After 30+ years of living with a name that I never felt was mine, I finally decided that a shortened nickname of my real name was no longer going to cut it because I HATE hearing, seeing, or writing my real name.

If you want to change something in your life, you just have to make the decision and DO IT.

One of my co-workers had changed their legal name and though they had a lawyer assist with the name change, they advised that it was simple enough to do it myself.

After many google searches I decided to take control of my life and change my legal name. September 2020 I started the process.

Fingerprints, notaries, and forms…I followed the steps and sent my paperwork to the courthouse and then waited…patiently….checking to see if the status on my case had been updated. Nothing… The months continued to pass.

Now if life has taught me anything, it’s that if you want anything done you have to call a million times before you get the correct information, so that’s what I did. What did I still need to submit? Who do I need to contact? What number will get you there directly?

Finally, I got an answer. “We’re waiting for a background check, and we need additional forms.”

Turns out that you have to first file your documents with the court, and then they will add case number and court number on the documents submitted. You then have to print out a copy of your updated documents and send them to the department of justice to get your background check started and sent to the courthouse so they can move forward with your name change.

Sigh, patience…legal work is just endless patience.

Once I sent my documents to the DOJ and signed an affidavit for the court so I didn’t have to show up in person, my name change came through within a couple months.

April 5, 2021 the judge signed the name change order, and I officially and legally became…Alice.

Ahhhh to finally have a name that I loved. A name that I resonated with. A name I could say with confidence when I introduced myself to people. A name I could write, see, and hear to be reminded that I took control of my life and made it exactly as I wanted it to be.

IT FELT FUCKING PHENOMENAL! 🥲😊

The journey to change my legal name had only started though, and now began the rest of it. Changing every legal document with my old name.

I started with my drivers license. It was expiring anyways, and I needed to go in person to get that done. As always, the lady let me take my photo multiple times… and before I knew it I had a new ID with my new name. ❤️‍🔥

Social security card, bank accounts, bills, insurances, passport…the list keeps going…but it’s so worth it.

Every time I hear my name, every time I see my name, and every time I delete my old name off of an account, I smile to myself and it brings me a sense of joy.

Maybe it’s the fact that I finally have a name that I feel resonates with me, or it could be that every time I hear it I am reminded that if you don’t like something in life, you can just change it. Although choosing my identity has been a little bit easier since I changed my name.

Who is Alice? Who could she become? What is she capable of? Who knows, because the pages of her story are blank, and I’m here to fill it with stories of who I choose to be.

What is in a name? From someone who has had many…a name is everything! It’s your identity, it’s who you are…it’s a label that is given to you, it’s part of how people remember you.

My name has always been something I’ve run from, something I’ve avoided hearing, something that made my ears bleed from all the mispronunciations. But today…today that was different.

Today I can confidently introduce myself. Today I have a name that I love all because one day I made a choice that no longer was I going to just accept that this was my reality.

My reality is whatever I make it…everything I desire I am destined for, and my name tells me that everyday.

I am Alice, and I’m off to build my own wonderland…

Until next time…

A.A.