10 Day Meditation Retreat

This journey began almost 2 years ago when my mentor at the time told me about a 10-day silent meditation they had attended.

Vipassana Meditation is what it is called and at the time of hearing about this, I had just barely started to mediate everyday for 20 minutes.

Meditation was never a part of my life until I attended my yoga teacher training course, where they taught us to meditate and I learned that there was a way for me to manage my anxiety and to quiet the thoughts in my head.

The more I did it, the more curious I became and slowly but surely I fell in love with the moments I could sit with myself and connect with my “center”. Meditation quickly became a part of my everyday life.

My mentor had completed this 10 day meditation 4 years in a row and was going on their 5th retreat, and encouraged me to continue to research it and see if this was something I would want to do. Though meditation was part of my routine, I couldn’t see myself taking time off to to sit with my thoughts for 10 days straight.

Not on my life, I told myself. I had all these questions, what about my kids? What about my boyfriend? 10 days with no phone? What if something happened? How would I contact anyone? What in the world would you do for 10 days? All that vacation time spent on what? Meditation? Nah, they were definitely crazy. I just didn’t see how that was going to fit into my life.

I put it out of my mind and carried on with my life, maybe one day I’ll get there I told myself.

At the end of 2019, I started reading the book, “Ten Percent Happier” by Dan Harris. If you ever want to read a book on meditation that really brings it meditation down to earth, I highly recommend this book.

In the book, Dan Harris, is on his journey after having a nervous breakdown, to find a deeper meaning and purpose in life. And somewhere in his journey, he goes on this 10-day silent meditation retreat.

As I read it, the more intrigued I was. Reading someone else’s experience made me wonder if maybe there were others. So I googled it, and read a couple of blog post on other people’s experiences, and through it slowly began to see that maybe what I was looking for within myself could be found in a place where the only place I was looking was within.

Believe it or not, spaces to join this meditation retreat fill up really fast and you can end up waiting months before a space opens up.

I signed up for two different waitlist dates in 2020 and I waited.

One date passed and I didn’t get a letter.

Then 2 weeks before the second date, I got a notification that a spot opened up and I needed to confirm that I could come.

I accepted!

I was so excited and nervous to go. So many mixed feelings, but I knew it was something that I wanted to do and that whatever journey this path would take me on, I would not be the same person when I returned.

And then the pandemic hit, and I got an email notifying me that the retreat had been canceled due to covid.

As sad and disappointed as I was, I trusted that the universe had other plans. Maybe I wasn’t ready to sit with myself for 10 days.

Fast forward to February 2021, one year after I got the cancelation email, I was scrolling through my emails and saw one from a familiar email address…REGISTRATION OPEN!

They were allowing the meditation retreat to continue and I got first priority notice since I had been canceled before. I checked the dates, there wasn’t a waitlist and two of the upcoming dates might work for me.

I hesitated and all the doubts came back in. I needed to talk to my boyfriend, I needed to figure out if I could even leave. What about all the vacation days that we had planned out for the year. This would significantly affect that. What about my work? What about our plan to move soon?

I closed out the registration tab, I needed time to think about this. Did I even want to do this anymore?

After many talks, thoughts, doubts and days I finally decided I would do it. But by the time I went to register it was already filled and on a waitlist. Sigh. I signed up for the date that made the most sense, telling myself that if the universe wanted me to do this, a spot would open up.

A week later I got an email, I filled it out. 2 days later I got a call from the place asking me a bunch of questions. They would get back to me.

On April 7, 2021 I got the confirmation email, I had been accepted, I just needed to confirm and we’d be all set. I hesitated.

It felt real now. Was I absolutely insane for doing this? I waited, and told my boyfriend as we went to the gym and we talked it over.

“You can cancel whenever you want right?” he asked

“Of course, but why would I want too?” I replied

“I don’t know, incase something comes up or you change your mind?” he questioned

“Why would I change my mind? Although a part of me thinks I’m absolutely crazy for doing this, the other part of me knows that if I don’t, I will always wonder.” I said, staring out the car window.

“Then do it.” he said

I pulled up the page on my phone and hit confirm. I was going.

I’ve scheduled my days and now I wait.

Nervous? Definitely

Excited? Certainly.

You see, I’ve never been truly alone. Alone with myself, alone with my thoughts. Alone without my kids, my boyfriend, all the things that life has throwing at me. The thought of sitting with myself alone and seeing who I truly am inside, is something that drives me forward to do this.

And maybe I am crazy and it won’t be all that I think it will be. But if I don’t try, I’ll always wonder if I’ll ever be able to meet the girl inside.

Life has a way of bringing you what you are searching for, if you just let go and pay attention.

I’ll make sure to write about my experience when I get back.

So stay tuned for the next adventure…

A.A.